Thursday, November 22, 2012
I swear I'm not meaning to sounding like Debbie the Downer especially since this is Thanksgiving and all. This should be a post where I express my gratitude for everything that I have in this life.
I do have plenty to be thankful for. I have parents that love me and are still together after 30 plus years of marriage and are actually happily married. I have a Mother who is one of the most spiritual if not most spiritual faithful women I have ever met. I have a Father who has taught me how to work hard and provides continually for his family. I have the opportunity to attend a Church sponsored school where my education is high quality but at low cost. I have the gospel, I have friends, I have my intelligence, I have my siblings, I have not only a working car, but a beautiful working car, I have a laptop, iPod, iPhone, I have nice clothes, I am able to fly home and see my family several times a year.
But still none of this seems to fill me right now. It's the end of the day and more than anything I just feel empty. For one thing, this entire trip has been my sister (who doesn't know I'm gay) bothering me about my dating life and girls. It gets old and extremely frustrating. If anything it makes me put up a wall.
I sent out so many texts today to people telling them why they're important to me and why I love them. The returns were at most minimal. I do selfishly do things at time because I want people to feel like they need to do the same for me. It just gets so damn frustrating being the best possible friend I can to people, being so genuinely caring and honest, and in return you get nothing. You don't feel important, you don't feel like anyone gives a shit if you were there or not. You're simply not important enough or worthy enough for that person's time.