Gay Mormon Stripling Warrior

At the beginning of each school year growing up, I would receive a father's blessing. When I got to high school and my dad left the church, it changed to being given from one of my Young Men's leaders or my Bishop. Now that I'm in college (almost done actually!), I have close friends give me my blessings. I hadn't gotten around to getting a blessing yet this semester because I kept forgetting, and then my friend who was supposed to give it to me kept flaking out. I felt like really needed to get one, with my class load being so heavy and being in the process of graduating and applying for Med School. I decided to ask my friend Rast. Rast showed up early in the morning before school and gave me a blessing. In the blessing it talked about the expectations given to me by myself and by others. I was told to forget them and to focus on each of my classes, one assignment at a time, specifically focusing on larger assignments. I was instructed to concentrate on now in...

I'm tired. I'm tired of working my ass of for our friendship. I'm tired of saving your ass with school. Always bailing you out because you procrastinate and go have fun instead of being responsible. I'm sorry you feel like we're not really friends, but I'm not going to sit around and wait for you to want to do something with me. You're always with your brain dead girlfriend. I don't want to be just an unappreciated homework source for you. I'm sorry. I have more dignity than that. And to you, I don't know what else to do for our friendship. I've worked really hard to show you that I care. To show you that I'm genuine and want a real friendship with you, but you can't seem to reciprocate. It's always when it's convenient for you. I'm sick of always being the one to text you and asking you about how you're doing. I wish you would just give me the time of day. And to you, you hurt me. You and I are the same p...

Sometimes you're going so fast, you don't realize how much you're hurting. Sometimes you get so busy with classes and homework, home teaching, relationships with friends, relationships with family, that you forget about yourself. Sometimes you get 4-5 hours sleep a night and it becomes normal. Sometimes you just push through it to make it to the weekend. Sometimes you are so intent on helping everyone else around you, that you forget about yourself. Sometimes when it's friday afternoon you go home and lay down for a nap because you actually have time to.You lock the door, shut the blinds and as you're falling asleep you heart starts aching terrible. It hits you by surprise like a freight train at night that forgot to turn on it's lights. You miss your friends and wish they missed you like you missed them. You know they love you, you just wish they could show it more. You see everyone around you and it appears they all have someone they can't live with...

I signed onto Facebook today before my A&P class since I had some time to spare. As I was browsing my newsfeed, a post came up of a girl I used to date: she was engaged. I felt my stomach drop. Though I identify myself as gay, I've had a couple of relationships with girls. This particular girl was in a chem class with me a couple of semesters ago. I instantly thought she was attractive, smart, and funny. We really hit it off. I found myself for the first time in a long time wanting to ask a girl out on a date. It was the first time since my mission actually. I had so much anxiety because I felt so much pressure with dating a girl considering the LDS environment at the school that I am surrounded by. Our first date went pretty well. For the rest of the semester we continued to go on dates and spend a lot of time together. Around Thanksgiving, I felt like the relationship was progressing nicely and decided to have a 'DTR' with her. She told me that I was an awesome guy, ...

Today in my religion class we talked about true love, what it was and what it wasn't. I thought I had a good understanding of what love was. But I came to realize there were some things that I do that tend to lean more to the side of infatuation instead of love. It made me realize just how imperfect I am and how I'm not nearly in the place I thought I was. I still find myself pining over one of my friends, hoping that he will say he loves me, that he will do things for me, that he will send me a random text message or Facebook post. I've found myself wishing that he would fall in love with me just so I could have someone who cared about me that much. I don't want a relationship with a man, but the thought of having him love me that much makes me feel weak. I still find myself hoping that I will hear back from certain people and they will want from me what I want from them. I find myself wishing for things that I can't force on people. I can't make people lo...