Showing posts from September, 2012

Tragedy or Destiny?

Image - Support Materials Chapter - Tragedy or Destiny?

I suggest reading this talk for anyone who is going through a hard time. It doesn't just have to be because your gay.

Two things stood out to me:

1.) Should all prayers be immediately answered according to our selfish desires and our limited understanding, then there would be little or no suffering, sorrow, disappointment, or even death, and if these were not, there would also be no joy, success, resurrection, nor eternal life and Godhood.

“For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things … righteousness … wickedness … holiness … misery … good … bad. …” (2 Nephi 2:11.)

2.) Fifty years later, Elder Spencer W. Kimball, then a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, found himself far away from home, recovering from major surgery. Unable to sleep, he recalled the day his mother died: “I feel like sobbing again now … as my memory takes me over those sad paths.

It is okay to cry. It is okay to experience hardship wh…

The Greenie Theory

In my religion class I was introduced to an idea that my professor had labeled "The Greenie Theory". Members of the Church know that new Elders in the mission field are often called "greenies". Greenies tend to be awkward. They stick their foot in their mouths, they don't know how to talk to people. They make mistakes. They are constantly learning and growing. Two questions that new missionaries are always asked are  "Where are you from?" and How long have you been out?" As a missionary progresses in the field, they become more and more comfortable. The feelings of homesickness and inadequacy go away. They are able to lead and excel as a missionary. What happens when you become a good missionary? The Lord sends you home. He makes you uncomfortable again.

My professor applied this idea of being green from not only a missionary standpoint, but from a life standpoint. Are we not all green? We are all learning and growing. We are all new to some are…


Today I experienced a first. I had my first real taste of cyber bullying. I'm not out of the closet, but you could say I'm also not your stereotypical guy. Being gay tends to lead one to have more extreme emotions and greater levels of attachment.

As I've stated in a previous post, my friends are my everything. i love them and would do anything for them. Because of this, I love to have pictures of myself and friends. Guys and girls. I like to do projects with pictures of my friends. I don't know if one would call it a hobby as much as one would call it a validation mechanism that my friends are real.

Anyway. I posted this photo of my best friend and I on Facebook. A couple of douchecakes from my mission leaped upon the opportunity to pick on me like sharks smelling blood in the water. There was the four of them making petty and rude comments. Comments that went past the point of mean, to the point of where it was bullying.

It upset me greatly. First thing I did was de…


Every child in the LDS faith can tell you the story of the Book of Mormon Prophet Lehi. How he was commanded to leave Jerusalem with his family because it was going to be destroyed.

"And it came to pass that he departed into the wilderness. And he left his house, and the land of his inheritance, and his gold, and his silver, and his precious things, and took nothing with him, save it were his family, and provisions, and tents, and departed into the wilderness." - Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi 2:4
Now this scripture may not jump out with spiritual profoundness to anyone, but today while I was in Priesthood it really stood out to me. I realized that this scripture is very much a metaphor for each and every one of us as children of our Heavenly Father. Like Lehi and his family, we left our home (the premortal life) because we were asked by God to. God presented us with the opportunity to have eternal increase, to go to the land of Bountiful where we would have everything we ever desire…

Dating... just not for me

My major is Pre-Med. I'll graduate in the spring and then take the MCAT and apply for Med School. I've always been really serious about my school work. It comes before anything and everything. It has really worked to my advantage on the dating scene during college especially since I'm an RM and supposed to be diligently seeking out an eternal companion. I use my studies as an excuse as why I don't date. It's partially true. I do feel I'm just supposed to focus on my school work and not worry about that right now. But it's also because I have no interest in dating girls currently. In all honesty, most girls annoy the crap out of me. Especially college freshmen girls. They are so loud and clueless sometimes.

Anyways, tonight I was working on my homework (like I always do) when two of my roommates come in and ask me if I wanted a date tonight. They said they had these girls they were taking on dates and the girls didn't want their roommate to be left out.…

Freight Train

Sometimes you're going so fast, you don't realize how much you're hurting. Sometimes you get so busy with classes and homework, home teaching, relationships with friends, relationships with family, that you forget about yourself.

Sometimes you get 4-5 hours sleep a night and it becomes normal. Sometimes you just push through it to make it to the weekend. Sometimes you are so intent on helping everyone else around you, that you forget about yourself.

Sometimes when it's friday afternoon you go home and lay down for a nap because you actually have time to.You lock the door, shut the blinds and as you're falling asleep you heart starts aching terrible. It hits you by surprise like a freight train at night that forgot to turn on it's lights. You miss your friends and wish they missed you like you missed them. You know they love you, you just wish they could show it more. You see everyone around you and it appears they all have someone they can't live without. …

Someone Like You...

I signed onto Facebook today before my A&P class since I had some time to spare. As I was browsing my newsfeed, a post came up of a girl I used to date: she was engaged. I felt my stomach drop. Though I identify myself as gay, I've had a couple of relationships with girls. This particular girl was in a chem class with me a couple of semesters ago. I instantly thought she was attractive, smart, and funny. We really hit it off. I found myself for the first time in a long time wanting to ask a girl out on a date. It was the first time since my mission actually. I had so much anxiety because I felt so much pressure with dating a girl considering the LDS environment at the school that I am surrounded by. Our first date went pretty well. For the rest of the semester we continued to go on dates and spend a lot of time together. Around Thanksgiving, I felt like the relationship was progressing nicely and decided to have a 'DTR' with her. She told me that I was an awesome guy,…

Teardrops on My Guitar

Today in my religion class we talked about true love, what it was and what it wasn't. I thought I had a good understanding of what love was. But I came to realize there were some things that I do that tend to lean more to the side of infatuation instead of love. It made me realize just how imperfect I am and how I'm not nearly in the place I thought I was.

I still find myself pining over one of my friends, hoping that he will say he loves me, that he will do things for me, that he will send me a random text message or Facebook post. I've found myself wishing that he would fall in love with me just so I could have someone who cared about me that much. I don't want a relationship with a man, but the thought of having him love me that much makes me feel weak.

I still find myself hoping that I will hear back from certain people and they will want from me what I want from them. I find myself wishing for things that I can't force on people. I can't make people love …

My Beautiful Heartbreak

Today I had a friend contact me and say he needed to talk. We live in the same apartment complex and had just met the week before. He just so happens to be gay as well. He has very recently came to accept his feelings and deal with them. He picked me up and we drove to a nearby church parking lot so we could talk. He told me everything he was feeling... how he's made mistakes in the past, how part of him feels guilty, how part of him doesn't. He expressed a lot of the same feelings and emotions that I too experienced. We discussed what he really wanted and what he didn't. I told him I would support him in whatever he chooses but if he asks my opinion, I will give it and not sugarcoat it.

Then came the realization as I was talking to him. Wow GMSW! It was as if I was talking to myself a year ago. I couldn't believe how far I've come! I have grown so much over the past year and not even noticed. I had made several mistakes mostly because I was looking for love, comf…

We Are Never Ever Ever Ever Getting Back Together

It's currently 3:00 a.m. and I have to get up in three hours to start getting ready for my first class of the day. I'm gonna be screwed for class, but honestly right now I really could care less. I have so many emotions running through me right now. I'm so angry and upset right now with other people. I'm upset with myself, I just can't believe I'm in this position again.

Since I was 7 years old, I've always had this complex about friends; more specifically friends that were male. I struggled to have friends that were the same sex all the way up till high school. One reason because I was a really shy kid (Lord knows I don't have that problem anymore) and two because I was just different. I suppose I should have known then that I was gay, but I was very sheltered and ignorant.

I'm just always been overly emotional. I get so attached to people when they show the slightest bit of love towards me. This tendency usually causes me to get pretty crazy and …