Sunday, September 16, 2012

My Beautiful Heartbreak


Today I had a friend contact me and say he needed to talk. We live in the same apartment complex and had just met the week before. He just so happens to be gay as well. He has very recently came to accept his feelings and deal with them. He picked me up and we drove to a nearby church parking lot so we could talk. He told me everything he was feeling... how he's made mistakes in the past, how part of him feels guilty, how part of him doesn't. He expressed a lot of the same feelings and emotions that I too experienced. We discussed what he really wanted and what he didn't. I told him I would support him in whatever he chooses but if he asks my opinion, I will give it and not sugarcoat it.

Then came the realization as I was talking to him. Wow GMSW! It was as if I was talking to myself a year ago. I couldn't believe how far I've come! I have grown so much over the past year and not even noticed. I had made several mistakes mostly because I was looking for love, comfort and understanding in the wrong places. But now I have finally made it to a point where I feel like the fact that I'm gay doesn't control my life. My Savior has enabled me to use it as a teacher and a tool to meet other's needs. I am much more perceptive and sensitive. I still have days where I feel lonely and have the thoughts to act out, but I am able to meet those needs in a much healthier way. I have loved ones (friends and family) who show me love but also accountability. My Savior has turned my struggle into a strength.

I recall something my mother told me last time I went home and visited. She said "GMSW, you have changed. You are much more forgiving and calm. You seem to understand people a lot better. I can see the power of the Lord's atonement in your life." It is so true. When one experiences the sanctifying and healing power of the glorious and infinite atonement, one is much quicker to forgive and much slower to judge.

I am so thankful for a Savior who has given me this experience to learn and grow from. To be able to become clay in his hands, so he can mold me into the man that I need to be. I'm thankful for the opportunity I have to build up other people and bring them to Christ.

Cheers,
GMSW

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