Showing posts from 2014

From The Other Side

I found out about GMSW through a mutual friend. Our friend was the one who first found the blog and told me about it. I read it and could not hold back my tears. All the pain my best friend had gone through and I had NO idea. It was something that ate at me constantly. I could not believe all the things he had gone through and the worst thing was that he had to keep it to himself because nobody knew about him and wouldn’t understand. It broke my heart. After reading it I realized that it didn’t bother me at all. GMSW was still the exact same person. I still loved him with all my heart and wanted to let him know that I had no issue with this.
About a month into our last semester at college I confronted GMSW and told him that I knew about his secret. Little did I know… he already knew that. During our conversation I could not contain my tears. I felt as if I was crying for him. I let out all my emotions that night. I told him that I felt so bad for not being able to help him through hi…

The Silence

Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. Not a day goes by that it isn't killing me inside. 
You taught me what real true love was. I've never been able to love or be loved by someone like I did when I was with you. 
Your face still haunts me. I can hear your voice, damn I miss your voice. I still see us close together, feeling the warmth of your body, your wonderful hugs, dancing around the dark kitchen, your incredible smile. The happiness and excitement I always felt receiving your texts or talking to you on the phone. 
I'm still not over you and I honestly don't know if I ever will be. I've tried to replace you, but I just ended up hurting people because I'm still stuck on you. 
I love you. 
You lift me up and knock me down, I'm never sure just what to feel when you're around, I speak my heart but don't know why, 'Cause you don't never really say what's on you mind.
It's like I'm walking on broken glass, I wanna kn…

I'm sure your heart breaks when some people still say...

Friday morning as I was getting ready for my morning classes, my roommate Scott called me into his room. He was working on a discussion board for his online religion class. 

Scott: "Dude I'm on here gay bashing!"
Me: (exasperated) "Dude..."
Scott: "Not really. But read what I wrote."
(I had him email me a copy)
"People aren't naturally gay. They are naturally straight. It's mind boggling that people actually believe that. It's your lustful desires that actually make you believe that you are feeling attracted to the same sex. God has clearly stated that marriage is for man and woman. Men are attracted to women and I know I've had temptations for them as well. Women have temptations to be with men, and it's true that the desire people have to be gay are also in that same category of sin: that they are attracted and lusting after something that they want. This is not what they were forced to have, these 'natural' feelings as t…

Thinking All Love Ever Does Is Break And Burn And End...

At the beginning of each school year growing up, I would receive a father's blessing. When I got to high school and my dad left the church, it changed to being given from one of my Young Men's leaders or my Bishop. Now that I'm in college (almost done actually!), I have close friends give me my blessings.

I hadn't gotten around to getting a blessing yet this semester because I kept forgetting, and then my friend who was supposed to give it to me kept flaking out. I felt like really needed to get one, with my class load being so heavy and being in the process of graduating and applying for Med School.

I decided to ask my friend Rast. Rast showed up early in the morning before school and gave me a blessing. In the blessing it talked about the expectations given to me by myself and by others. I was told to forget them and to focus on each of my classes, one assignment at a time, specifically focusing on larger assignments. I was instructed to concentrate on now instead o…