Tuesday, December 31, 2013

The Cold Never Bothered Me Anyway


I just received a $2,500 MacBook Pro with Retina Display for Christmas. I graduate in April from college with my Bachelors Degree. My parents are building a huge gorgeous half-million+ dollar house that I will be able to call home and you know what? I'm still not happy. I'm tired. So very tired.

I'm tired of a father who desperately needs medication but refuses it. I'm tired of being on the receiving end of his tirades of anger.

I'm tired of a mother who always seems to be able to pick out all the things I do wrong in my life.

I'm tired of siblings who still treat me like a child, and don't appreciate or respect what I have to contribute. I'm tired of having them tell me I have no idea what I'm talking about when it comes to health and fitness (it's just my major right?).

I'm tired of being betrayed by ones that I used to call my friends. Is it really that hard to remain faithful to someone?

I'm tired of people having their own opinions and ideas of me before they've even met me.

I'm tired of having my education on the line because of a Big Brother acting administration that threaten your schooling with your Church conduct.

I'm tired of being single. I used to be able to answer clearly about what I wanted, but I can't anymore. I'm so lonely, and so just over it.

I'm supposed to graduate in April and then move back in with my parents while I study for the MCAT. I'm not so sure I want to do that anymore. It used to sound so inviting with the thought of free room and board in a huge house. But I don't want to be micromanaged or yelled at anymore. I also don't have any friends here.

I will not stay near school. I'm so over that environment. I've thought of moving closer to Salt Lake, but that would make me alone and I know I would get depressed and lonely.

I've thought of California and Washington but have come to similar conclusions.

I just want to live my life happily and fulfilled without fighting, without drama. Without others interjecting. I just want to go to Med School and be successful. I want the Church a part of my life, but I also want to be able to have a boyfriend and be able to introduce him as that and it's not a big deal.


The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation, and it looks like I'm the Queen
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in; Heaven knows I tried

Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know
Well now they know

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back any more
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don't care what they're going to say
Let the storm rage on
the cold never bothered me anyway

It's funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can't get to me at all
It's time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me,
I'm free!

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back any more
Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and slam the door
And here I stand
And here I'll stay
the cold never bothered me anyway

Standing frozen
In the life I've chosen
You wont find me
The past is in the past
Buried in the snow

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back any more
Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and slam the door
And here I stand
And here I'll stay
in the light of day
The cold never bothered me anyway