Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Teardrops on My Guitar
Today in my religion class we talked about true love, what it was and what it wasn't. I thought I had a good understanding of what love was. But I came to realize there were some things that I do that tend to lean more to the side of infatuation instead of love. It made me realize just how imperfect I am and how I'm not nearly in the place I thought I was.
I still find myself pining over one of my friends, hoping that he will say he loves me, that he will do things for me, that he will send me a random text message or Facebook post. I've found myself wishing that he would fall in love with me just so I could have someone who cared about me that much. I don't want a relationship with a man, but the thought of having him love me that much makes me feel weak.
I still find myself hoping that I will hear back from certain people and they will want from me what I want from them. I find myself wishing for things that I can't force on people. I can't make people love me and I can't expect them to do the same things for me as I would for them, that's unrealistic.
I'm selfish. I tell myself I give so much for my friends. I do so much. But what is my real motivation behind it? Can I honestly say that I always do it because I want to? Or is there a part of me that hopes that I can benefit from it by hearing an I love you?