Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Blogging from a Mile High
This evening I had about 45 minutes before I had to leave to go to the airport to catch my flight to go see my sister for Thanksgiving. I ran outside to go move my car so it would be out of the way while I was away over the holiday. I turn on my headlights and nothing happens. No lights on the outside of the car come on, though the inside lights up just fine. I call my parents to let them know what's going on. My mom chews me out and makes a comment about wanting to know what she is supposed to do about it. We both know that any repairs made on my (rather expensive to fix) SUV, will be paid by her. I have no money. I go to school full time, year round. I'm preparing to graduate and take the MCAT. So it makes sense that I would call her and tell her what was up with the car since she was the one cutting the check.
I get off the phone with my mother and ask my grandmother if she can follow me over to the shop so I can drop off my car and have them work on it while I'm gone. She gets pissed because she just finished making dinner and we have to leave to the airport soon. I tell her we have time but she still acts annoyed and I have to convince her we can do it. She's super anxiety ridden all the time and has to have everything her way exactly how it's planned or she freaks out.
At this point, I was about ready to scream/cry/curse out anyone who spoke to me. Things don't ever go as we have exactly planned them. Life happens, shit happens. This is gonna be really selfish sounding, but did it ever occur to anyone that life never asked me if I wanted to be gay. I didn't ask for this. I didn't plan on having homosexual tendencies while being a member of the only true Church on this earth; the Lord's Church. I'm really grateful for the Church and I know that it's true, but because of the stance of the Church and often hostile environment created by misinformed members of the Church, it makes it really hard.
But what it all comes down to, what the fact of the matter is: I am gay. I have to deal with this whether I want to or not. I can complain and moan and say that it's not convenient, I can get upset, I can cry, I can curse, none of these things help me at all.
My orientation: The Gospel of Jesus Christ. This is my True North. This is what I identify with and where I find true and lasting joy. I know this is true, though some days are much harder than others.
If you find yourself struggling with these feelings, throw away any labels. Throw away identifying yourself as gay. Orient yourself towards Christ and all things will fall into place.