Monday, November 26, 2012
Friendships are like the Stock Market. It's dangerous, risky, and you're not always guaranteed a return. Invest too much into a bad stock and you'll lose everything. Invest into the right stock, you become rich. Continuous trading of your stocks will put you at a stand still, you will not progress in the marketplace and will become quite discontent with your situation.
I've been doing a lot of thinking the past week or so just evaluating friendships and people in my life, or more accurately stated attempted friendships in my life. I take an interest in someone and will generally want to be their friend. In doing so I'm investing anything and everything I have to that friendship. Texts, Facebook, phone calls, little favors just because, going to lunch, hanging out. I sincerely care about a person. I have a theory that my intensity with friendship is a sort of compulsive behavior which overwhelms people. So more often than not I make this investment and instead of the investment being worth it, I'm let down by people who don't care or really have an interest.
I promise I'm not that bad. I promise that I'm a damn good friend if you actually let me be one. I'm raw and honest. But I have a complete and unconditional love for my friends.
It seems though will all my efforts I still fall by the wayside. My returns are bad, people don't see my stock as something worth investing in.
It's frustrating because I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to make people care. I know how to listen to someone, to love someone, to care about their life, to ask questions, but I don't know how to have them do the same for me.
I'm at the point right now where I feel like I've been kicked one too many times and I've had it. My money is gone. I'm broke. I'm ready to declare bankruptcy and file for Chapter 11.
I don't want to try any more, I don't want to continue to feel hurt and alone. I don't want to sit in the shower and sob as the water drowns out the sounds.