Spiritual 2x4's

This past Sunday was the first awesome Sunday I've had in a really long time. I've really felt like I was in a rut spiritually and just didn't know what to do about it.

I helped teach Mission Prep for my ward and was able to share experiences from my mission of people I found and baptized. I shared pictures from when I first met them and then their baptismal date.The spirit was so intense and made me feel so blessed to have been a small part of bringing those people to the fold.

I then gave a talk in sacrament meeting on the Priesthood. I hate giving talks. I feel like I am rubbish at getting my thoughts across and I am never able to quite convey what I want to. I have always said that I'd much rather sing that speak, which is exactly what I did at my mission farewell.

I used Elder Uchtdorff's The Joy of the Priesthood as the basis for my talk. My talk actually turned out to be one of the better talks that I have ever given. I was able to take up the complete time allotted to me as well as use both scriptures, personal experiences, and words from modern day prophets to support me.

The part that stuck out to me was:

"Some of you live in wards and stakes where every position, from assistant to the high priests group leader to the deacons quorum secretary, is filled with an active priesthood holder. Yours is the privilege to participate in a ward organization that is well staffed.
Others of you live in areas of the world where there is only a small handful of Church members and priesthood holders. You may feel alone and burdened with the weight of all that needs to be done. For you it may take a lot of personal hands-on involvement to get the engine of priesthood service started. Sometimes it may even seem that your branch or ward is not moving forward at all.
However, no matter what your responsibilities or circumstances may be, you and I know there is always a special joy that comes from dedicated priesthood service.
...Yes, there is always something imperfect in any situation. Yes, it is easy to find things to complain about."
I believe that part of the reason that I have felt so bitter towards the church and angry is that I felt like no one could relate to what I was going through or truly understand how hard it was to be gay and to know that you may be celibate and single for the rest of one's life. Here Elder Uchdorff is telling me that it doesn't matter my circumstance, I have the priesthood of God. My priesthood is the same as those who are straight. I have a responsibility to fulfill my duty as a priesthood holder gay or not.
Later on after church I went home teaching with my roommate to the two girls apartments we have. 
I shared the message for our visit which was the talk from General Conference by Elder Hales, Being a More Christian Christian. Again, the spirit spoke to me and a particular part of this talk stood out to me as Elder Uchdorff's had. 
For many, the call to be a Christian can seem demanding, even overwhelming. But we need not be afraid or feel inadequate. The Savior has promised that He will make us equal to His work. “Follow me,” He said, “and I will make you fishers of men.” As we follow Him, He blesses us with gifts, talents, and the strength to do His will, allowing us to go beyond our comfort zones and do things we’ve never before thought possible. This may mean sharing the gospel with neighbors, rescuing those who are spiritually lost, serving a full-time mission, working in the temple, raising a child with special needs, loving the prodigal, serving an ailing companion, enduring misunderstandings, or suffering affliction. It means preparing ourselves to answer His call by saying, “I’ll go where you want me to go; I’ll say what you want me to say; I’ll do what you want me to do; I’ll be what you want me to be.”
While reading this, the spirit overwhelmed me and I became choked up. It's like I'd been hit by a spiritual 2x4. I was using my circumstances of being gay as an excuse to keep me from spiritually progressing. The part about "suffering affliction" jumped our from the talk at me. The Lord entrusted me with this burden knowing that I could carry it while answering the call to be Christian. 

“I’ll go where you want me to go; I’ll say what you want me to say; I’ll do what you want me to do; I’ll be what you want me to be.”


  1. I havent read all of your posts but just out of curiosity, but do you have anyone that you talk to about all of this?

    1. I have one or two people in my life that i discuss everything with. Why?

    2. its just that the posts that i have read - sound really familiar. For me - no-one knows. It sounds like your in a similar situation as me so i just figured i would ask.

    3. Sound familiar like you've had the same thoughts... or what? Yeah it's not an easy situation to be in. Ask away man.

    4. yeah. well. a lot of the same thoughts. and a lot of different thoughts. to be honest - im not really sure. Hence the new blog - trying to lay things out for once and see how they fit together.


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