Monday, December 17, 2012
Watch Your Back
Don't get me wrong... I think that it's awesome that there is this whole community within the Church of gay guys who blog, as well as North Star. It's awesome that guys like myself don't have to deal with this by ourselves. We can reach out and learn from each other. We can receive messages of hope and know that there are other guys out there going through the same things.
The downfall of it all, it IS the gay community even if it is members of the church. The gay community is freaking dramatic.
Being gay tends to harbor feelings of loneliness, neediness, jealousy, and pettiness. Gay guys are typically more emotional then your average straight guy. Those heavy emotional needs lead to behavior I would compare to those of a teenage girl.
I'm a very private person. When it comes to Facebook, I post pictures and sarcastic status'. There's nothing personal on there. When it comes to people knowing about my life, there are very few that I talk to and even fewer that actually know everything about me. It's not that I don't have a ton of friends. In the vernacular, I would be what one deems as "popular". But of all my friends, maybe one or two do I actually speak to on a deep level.
I've stated several times before, I'm a damn good friend. I go out of my way to go above and beyond for all my friends. Texts, phone calls, Facebook, little things just because. That's what I believe by definition to be a good friend. In doing all that for someone, I expect a friend to reciprocate some of those same things. When they don't, I tend to become disappointed, and I know that.
What really pisses me off is when others use my desire/needs to be a good friend against me. There's no hidden agenda, there's no hidden motive. When I do or say something, it's from my heart. I don't want to compete with other guys for friendships. I also don't want my intentions turned against me.
The gay community just gossips and perpetuates things. Instead of talking to someone about an issue and being sincere, they go around to each other spreading things like a group of high school girls. I'm just over it.
It feels like more often than not there's a lot of people who are unhappy with their own lives, so they use their negative feelings to bring down others. I don't care what other people do with their lives. But when they bring themselves and their negative energy into my life, I'm not okay with it. I expect to live my own life and mind my own business and do the best I can. I wish others would too.