Saturday, December 22, 2012

Emotional Overload


Have you ever had your life moving along quite nicely and then were completely blindsided by something? I have, multiple times. The most recent was Thursday as I was riding in the car with my Mother on the way to the chiropractor.

A couple months ago I asked my parents if I could order some new shoes and a couple new shirts. They said yes and they gave me their card to pay for it. I order the shoes and then ordered the five shirts that we agreed upon from Express. I got an email from Express saying that one of the shirts was out of stock so they refunded the money and shipped me the other four. One of the four I didn't like and sent it back. So instead of buying two more shirts, I bought three pairs of chinos from American Eagle instead that cost the same as one button-up from Express.

Now my younger sister is a pathological liar and lives a lifestyle contrary to that she was raised. She thinks we don't know what she does, but we do. My parents finally wised up about my sister and stopped giving her money or helping her altogether.

While riding in the car, my Mother accused me of lying to her and my Dad and using their card for more than what they said I could use it for. I tried to explain but she kept accusing me and shouting about the extra charges on the card with all the exchanging at Express and American Eagle purchase. It was hurtful because she was accusing me of acting like my dishonest little sister and then not even giving me the chance to defend myself.

Up to this point, I was so happy because I had been more honest with my parents over the past year and a half then I'd been in my entire life. Then here they are thinking I'm fraudulently using their credit card.

Her next accusation was that I bought the clothes to look like my buddy (who is also gay). She said that the clothing was flamboyant (colored pants) and she didn't want me to try to be someone else. Then I tried to explain to her that I bought the clothes because I like them, they were what was in style and I'm more than confident in myself at 23 years old and don't follow the crowd to fit in. I haven't done that shit since middle school. I told her I've loved clothes and fashion forever (stereotypical gay I know) and how was this any different.

To top off the conversation, she said that the weekend that that same buddy and I came down to hang out with her, my dad and my sister's family, my sister thought I was coming out of the closet (I haven't told her about me) and introducing my partner to my family. She told my mom that she loved me no matter what but she didn't want "that behavior" around her children. I was hurt and furious. My parents never said anything to me because they knew that my buddy and I were just friends. But my mother did make the comment that we have a lot of pictures together and that we drape are arms around each other a lot.

I explained that I've been that way since High School. I played on sports teams, plus serving a mission and just being a touchy person. I like to touch people. I hug people, I put my arm around them. I always have. It's never been a gay thing, that's just me. It's freaking society who says that guys can't express emotion and love towards one another without being gay.

So instead of my sister pulling me aside and asking me about it. She was completely rude and bitchy about it the whole weekend. She went and spoke to everyone about it but me.

Anyways... I digress.

To say the least, I was blind sided completely. My mom proceeded to tell me that my little brother asked her if I was gay as well as other people.

I don't even know how to feel right now. It's like I came home for Christmas and my family was holding this all against me and was waiting for the moment to dump it on me. It's like GMSW's big coming out party to his family.

Kinda at a point right now where I wish I didn't come home.

I thought my family trusted me and my parents were cool with the whole gay thing. Apparently I was wrong.

Cheers,
GMSW

1 comment:

  1. The Holidays, while wonderful, can be very stressful. I am sorry that the stresses have dumped all over you. You are right- family should stand by you, they should see and know the progress you have made, they should see who you have always been, an honest son. I am sincerely sorry that this has hurt you. I hope things will get better for you.

    Sending love and good energy your way. Merry Christmas. :) Duck

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