Life often deals you cards that catch you by surprise. I at least seem to always have a specific vision of what I believe my life should be. I am very type A when it comes to planning and organizing. I do it with academics, I do it with my daily schedule, I do it with church, I even do it with friends.

After months of frustration in particular friendships with people, I came to a crossroads. I was done feeling like I wasn't good enough, I was done feeling like just an option, I was done feeling like I was not a priority. I stopped trying in some of friendships I really held dear because I was so tired of feeling hurt. I was so done. I still consider these friends to be dear to me, but they need to realize what they've been doing. They need to take the incentive now, I'm not going to be burned anymore.

To deal with the lack of communication with certain friends. I threw myself that much more into my school work and church things. I was being the perfect home teacher, giving blessings and coming once a month. I would go to the temple. I would truly seek the comfort of the spirit since I felt so alone.

Then life hands me a wild card..

I met a fellow brother fighting the good fight and something happened: we clicked. It's so easy to speak with him, I never want to stop. It sounds super gay but he makes me smile all the time. He genuinely expresses concern and reciprocates things like I've always wanted from a friend. He invests in me and wants me to invest in him. He give me the warm fuzzies. He just makes me feel so good. It feels so wonderful to not only be wanted, but to feel like there is someone out there who is thankful for the friend that you are to them. It feels good to have a healthy emotional connection with another guy. It sounds weird, but I feel like I just want him to know everything about me. I feel I can be one hundred percent open and honest and it's okay. No judgement. 



  1. I've had a few of those friends that made me feel elated! None close to me right now... big bummer. Knowing what such friendships mean, and then not having them makes it even more difficult to not spend life longing for the "what ifs".

  2. That's a good feeling dude. There's nothing like that kind of emotionally fulfilling relationship, keep it going man.


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