"Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them." - Alma 56:47
Life often deals you cards that catch you by surprise. I at least seem to always have a specific vision of what I believe my life should be. I am very type A when it comes to planning and organizing. I do it with academics, I do it with my daily schedule, I do it with church, I even do it with friends.
After months of frustration in particular friendships with people, I came to a crossroads. I was done feeling like I wasn't good enough, I was done feeling like just an option, I was done feeling like I was not a priority. I stopped trying in some of friendships I really held dear because I was so tired of feeling hurt. I was so done. I still consider these friends to be dear to me, but they need to realize what they've been doing. They need to take the incentive now, I'm not going to be burned anymore.
To deal with the lack of communication with certain friends. I threw myself that much more into my school work and church things. I was being the perfect home teacher, giving blessings and coming once a month. I would go to the temple. I would truly seek the comfort of the spirit since I felt so alone.
Then life hands me a wild card..
I met a fellow brother fighting the good fight and something happened: we clicked. It's so easy to speak with him, I never want to stop. It sounds super gay but he makes me smile all the time. He genuinely expresses concern and reciprocates things like I've always wanted from a friend. He invests in me and wants me to invest in him. He give me the warm fuzzies. He just makes me feel so good. It feels so wonderful to not only be wanted, but to feel like there is someone out there who is thankful for the friend that you are to them. It feels good to have a healthy emotional connection with another guy. It sounds weird, but I feel like I just want him to know everything about me. I feel I can be one hundred percent open and honest and it's okay. No judgement.
I'm an Exercise Physiology Major, and as such I am required to enroll in the Exercise Physiology class and corresponding lab. Today for lab we were required to do the skin fold test on our classmates and then have them do it on us.
I was dreading having the skin fold test done on myself. I was always the fat kid in elementary school and middle school. My body fat percentage was always a considerable amount higher than all the Ethiopian bean poles I went to school with. I'm in some of the best shape I've been in a long time right now, but I still have flash back nightmares of being teased and called fatty. So I was very shy about removing my shirt and showing my stomach. I quickly put on my shirt as soon as I could once I was done.
Then came the next part of the lab...
Each person in our group was supposed to find two people outside of class to do the skin fold test on. I called up a buddy I just met this semester, (who I do find attractive) and then I wandered into the fi…
Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. Not a day goes by that it isn't killing me inside.
You taught me what real true love was. I've never been able to love or be loved by someone like I did when I was with you.
Your face still haunts me. I can hear your voice, damn I miss your voice. I still see us close together, feeling the warmth of your body, your wonderful hugs, dancing around the dark kitchen, your incredible smile. The happiness and excitement I always felt receiving your texts or talking to you on the phone.
I'm still not over you and I honestly don't know if I ever will be. I've tried to replace you, but I just ended up hurting people because I'm still stuck on you.
I love you. You lift me up and knock me down,
I'm never sure just what to feel when you're around,
I speak my heart but don't know why,
'Cause you don't never really say what's on you mind.
It's like I'm walking on broken glass,
I wanna kn…
I found out about GMSW through a mutual friend. Our friend was the one who first found the blog and told me about it. I read it and could not
hold back my tears. All the pain my best friend had gone through and I had NO
idea. It was something that ate at me constantly. I could not believe all the
things he had gone through and the worst thing was that he had to keep it to
himself because nobody knew about him and wouldn’t understand. It broke my
heart. After reading it I realized that it didn’t bother me at all. GMSW was
still the exact same person. I still loved him with all my heart and wanted to
let him know that I had no issue with this.
About a month into our last semester at college I confronted
GMSW and told him that I knew about his secret. Little did I know… he already
knew that. During our conversation I could not contain my tears. I felt as if I
was crying for him. I let out all my emotions that night. I told him that I
felt so bad for not being able to help him through hi…