Stronger Than Yesterday
This past week was one of the most emotional weeks of my life. All in all though, it ended on a positive note. I went to the temple on Saturday morning to do initiatories. I wanted to find peace and know where Heavenly Father wanted me go and what he wanted me to do. I also went praying to be able to heal from the pain and truly forgive those who contributed to it.
The reason I did initatories was due to a blessing I got the night my world fell apart. I was encouraged to go to the temple and do them. It was my first time doing initatories since I did my own before my mission. I realized I had forgotten so much. My feeling though during them, mind you during the complete duration of being in the temple was of my Heavenly Father embracing me and just saying "peace my son, breathe."
I was able to come out of the temple and speak to my best friend on the phone and work through some things. The conversation though hard at certain points was raw and needed. Tears were shed, uncertainty about each other's paths were discussed. But greater love, appreciation and friendship was shown. He's my best friend and at the end of the day, that's what matters. We all make mistakes and I'm by his side no matter what.
Unexpectedly last night I spent an hour speaking with my roommate. I was leaving to head to the campus library and work on homework for the rest of the night when he appeared in my doorway and asked how I was doing. He knew that I had had a terrible week, though he didn't know specifically why. I told him I was doing a lot better, but still struggling a bit. I could tell something was upsetting him so I told him to come in and talk to me. It turns out he had a really hard week as well. He messed up with a girl (not terribly bad, but still not good). He kept beating himself up over it because he felt like he was falling back into his old ways before his mission. He then confessed to me that he attends a support group for porn and masturbation addiction. He also told me how he has some real self esteem issues. He was crying the whole time (mind you he doesn't cry). We had never had this type of discussion before. I told him that more than anything, he needs to forgive himself. He needs to apply the cleansing power of the atonement of Jesus Christ and he needs to stop guilt tripping himself about past mistakes. I relayed experiences in my own life without going into too much detail. I know that my roommate struggles with emotional issues. So I told him that he has emotional needs that aren't being met. He agreed. He doesn't talk to anyone about his issues, so I told him that at least once a week, more if he needs it, him and I will have companionship inventory like on a mission. He will tell me what's going on, allow himself to cry and register those emotions that he's been avoiding.
After our discussion he told me thank you and told me what an incredible friend I was. He told me that I'm the most loyal friend that he's ever seen. He thinks it's so cool how I give everything to my friends and that I care so much about them. He says he can see the love I have for them and he felt blessed to have me as a roommate and friend.
After such a crummy week, it was great to end on such a high note. To feel that my life was at peace again and I was able to focus outside myself and help others, that which truly makes me happy.