This past weekend was somewhat of a game changer for me. There's this girl Jane. Jane and I have had the same schedule for the past four months. All of our classes are together. The first time I saw her, I judged her because I found out she was a runner up to Miss _______ (fill in the state of your choice). I made the judgement that she was a stereotypical dumb blonde that had gotten this far in college because she had cheated off people.... oh how wrong I was.

Jane and I spent a lot of time over the semester getting to know each other. We would work on physics, kinesiology, and chemistry together. Turns out she was much cleverer than me. I would give her rides home from lab. I would come over to her apartment and hang out. We would in-depth conversations about life and what we wanted. We would jam out to music. All the music on my iPod she loved... she would sing along. Not only does she have an incredible voice, but she can play the piano and guitar as well.

I was able to she her many different moods in many different situations. I was able to see her happy, sad, angry, stressed. I would go to her basketball games and support her. I found out she was athletic and very competitive. She was spiritual. She has goals in life.

The more time I've spent around Jane, the more and more attracted I've become to her. Attracted attracted, like I like her romantically. This is huge! This never happens for me. I genuinely found myself wanting to talk to her and spend time with her. I desired to be close to her and I could see myself marrying her and being happy. I actually felt "normal".

I really really like her. I spoke to my mom about it and she laughed. She said "I've never seen you behave like this about a girl. You're all giddy and you can't stop smiling."

We never went on an official date because she was preparing for a mission.

This past weekend was her farewell and I drove 3 and a half hours to see her speak. I sat on the front row of the chapel with her family. Her two little cousins were next to me and I had my arm across the part of the bench that they were leaning against. As I gazed up and listened to Jane speak, I shot a glance at the two little children next to me. I truly felt like I was getting a glance into the future. It felt so good, so right, so peaceful. I was actually longing for it.

Jane reports to the MTC tomorrow and I miss her. It's weirding me out.

I felt the spirit testify to me that there is a plan for me and it is waiting for me. Everything will turn out all right.

If anything, it gave me motivation to be better. I'm thankful for this opportunity for Jane to go on a mission. It will give her time to grow and time for me to work on myself as well. I want to be a man that she would want to marry when she gets back. So this is me moving forward and truly trusting in God.



  1. Best wishes to you. It sounds like you may be a Kinsey 4, which is what I think I am. What you mention above reminds me a lot of how I felt when I met my former wife. The difference is that I was so repressed that I was asexual prior to meeting her and did not even consider any gay feelings. We said many times during our marriage that we would make excellent business partners. We could never make the total emotional connection. It is probably good that Jane is going on a mission and that you recognize this time will give you time to work on yourself. I hope it works out well in the long run for both of you.


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