Gay Mormon Stripling Warrior

THE FAMILY A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD The  F irst  P residency and  C ouncil of the  T welve  A postles of the C hurch of  J esus  C hrist of  L atter- D ay  S aints W E, THE FIRST PRESIDENCY  and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children. ALL HUMAN BEINGS —male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose. IN THE PREMORTAL REALM,  spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly ...

If you've been following my blog, you've noticed that this semester has been the semester from hell for me. There's been a lot that has gone on and the majority of it has been out of my control. Twice now this semester I have found myself suicidal, the most recent being two weeks ago. I didn't realize how far along I was with my thought process until I came across the warning signs of suicidal behavior and it scared me: 5 Warning Signs of Suicidal Behavior: -Talking about having no purpose -Withdrawing or isolating oneself -Displaying extreme mood swings -Abruptly ending relationships -Avoiding work, school or jobs  I fit every single one of these warning signs. I've felt beaten and have frequently retreated to my room to be by myself and away from everyone. My moods have gone from happy to extreme depression and loneliness. I have felt frustrated with friendships in my life and felt like people didn't care about me and weren't putting a...

Driving home from the gym today, I broke. My iPod was on shuffle and Marilyn Monroe by Nicki Minaj came on: Truth is we mess up Till we get it right I don't want to end up losing my soul I can get low, I can get low Don’t know which way is up Yea I can get high, I can get high Like I could never come down Call it a curse Or just call me blessed If you can’t handle my worst You ain’t getting my best Is this how Marilyn Monroe felt? Must be how Marilyn Monroe felt All the emotions from the past week or so came flooding in as I gasped for air and felt tears flood my eyes and stream down my face.  I arrived home and went straight to my room. I shut the door and in the dark I collapsed against it and just let myself cry alone.  This breakdown has been a long time coming, but the straw that broke the camels back today was failing an Organic Chemistry Exam (again, second in a row, and if its possible, I did even worse). I studied my ass off, and gave up sleep, a ...

These times will try hard to define me, And I'll try to hold my head up high. But I've seen despair here, from the inside, It's got a one track mind. And I have this feeling in my gut now, And I don't know what it is I'll find. Does anybody, ever feel like, you're always one step behind Now I'm sitting alone here in my bed, I'm waiting for an answer I don't know that I'll get I cannot stand to look in the mirror, I'm failing I'm telling you, these times are hard but they will... And I know there's someone out there somewhere That has it much worse than I do. But I have a dream inside, a perfect life, I'd give anything just to work It's like I'm only trying to dig my way out of all these things I can't And I am, Sitting alone here in my bed, I'm waiting for an answer I don't know that I'll get I cannot stand to look in the mirror, I'm failing I'm telling you; these times are...

And it came to pass... a simple phrase used a ton in the scriptures. In the Bible it is used 452 times and in the Book of Mormon it is used 1424 times. I know growing up I had read it so much, it just turned into something that was at the beginning of sentence while reading the scriptures just as a period falls at the end of a sentence.There is a much greater meaning to this five worded phrase. As I have contemplated my life the past couple of weeks and those close around me, I have watched trials enter into all of our lives of varying degrees. Some trials have come because of choices that one has made, while others have entered simply because it's life and shit happens. A scripture in particular comes to mind: 1 Nephi 16:18 "And it came to pass that as I, Nephi went forth to slay food, behold, I did break my bow, which was made of fine steel; and after I did break my bow, behold, my brethren were angry with me because of the loss of my bow, for we did not obtain food....

All I do is school. I live in the library, and am on campus all day every day just to do shitty on exams like I did tonight. Completely bombed my physics exam... again. Studied my ass of for it. It's like I work so hard and have nothing to show for it. Exhausted and stressed all the time, and when I get free time, it's like all I want to do is sleep. What I wouldn't give to truly fall in love with a girl (be attracted to her enough to fall in love) and then marry her. To have someone to come home to at the end of these awful days. I've shed a lot of tears myself lately, just feeling like I'm working towards my goal of med school with no one to share it with but a dog. These were thoughts I was having as I returned home late tonight from another 12 plus hour day on campus. I expressed my frustrations to a wonderful friend who replied with something quite incredible that really lifted me: " She's out there. And she's probably looki...

This past week was one of the most emotional weeks of my life. All in all though, it ended on a positive note. I went to the temple on Saturday morning to do initiatories. I wanted to find peace and know where Heavenly Father wanted me go and what he wanted me to do. I also went praying to be able to heal from the pain and truly forgive those who contributed to it. The reason I did initatories was due to a blessing I got the night my world fell apart. I was encouraged to go to the temple and do them. It was my first time doing initatories since I did my own before my mission. I realized I had forgotten so much. My feeling though during them, mind you during the complete duration of being in the temple was of my Heavenly Father embracing me and just saying "peace my son, breathe." I was able to come out of the temple and speak to my best friend on the phone and work through some things. The conversation though hard at certain points was raw and needed. Tears were shed, ...